I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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