you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
