How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
