I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
