Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
