So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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