you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Randomize
