i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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