I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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