yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
