Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
