Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
