I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
