She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
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