I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
