so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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