I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
