well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
