it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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