She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
