I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Never underestimate the power of titties
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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