i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Randomize
