I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Randomize
