How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
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