DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
