It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
