I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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