You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
two words...techno handjob
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Randomize
