Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
