i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
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