oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
