so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
