You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
