yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
