Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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