And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
