I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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