Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
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