Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
