No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize