Got a toothbrush?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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