You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
