i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
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100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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