the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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