OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
