Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
