11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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