the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
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The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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