yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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