$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
