New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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