I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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