Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
