That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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