Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Randomize
