we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
