So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
