Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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