i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
