I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
