I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
