Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
