tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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