We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
