Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
