WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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