I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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