Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
