if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The chlamydia really affected his face.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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