Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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