Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
