FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
