I wish I could teleport
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
