you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
As shirtless as possible
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
